4 Letters

L-O-V-E. They are just four measly letters, but put together, they are supposed to spell the most profound and deep emotions that this physical human existence can feel.

And I say “supposed to spell” because I often have doubts if this kind of love really exists.

We hear fairy tales and stories about how “he swept me off my feet” or how “I couldn’t live without him in my life.” But it’s just become meaningless words to me throughout the years. You can CLEARLY live your life without him - snap out of the trance, women!

I don’t think I can honestly say I’ve ever been in love yet sadly. I thought I was once for quite awhile, but it really wasn’t true love. It was forged, and the end of that relationship is telling of how forged our love was.

I honestly can't say I believe in true love anymore or that it even exists for everyone. Why is our life so defined by a series of events - love, engagement, wedding, children. ::Repeat cycle with your children:: I don't get why someone's life has to be defined by another person. Sure it'd be nice to have someone there for me all my life and actually be that support system. But I can't say I think it'll happen anymore. It's kind of tragic that at 21 years old, I feel like I've lost too much time to make something so Disney-magical happen. True love is supposed to end "happily ever after" with a prince that "makes dreams come true." False.

Even if I accept true love as a love that is enduring, supportive, accepting, and compassionate, I don't think any human being will ever give the kind of love that the other wants. How tragic is that? We go on thinking we'll find a perfect love or someone out there perfect for us. But I doubt that there is that special someone for everyone. I think some people can find a "perfect" match for them through Christ if they put Him at the center of their relationship, but outside of that I have my doubts of finding a person that really fits me or that I fit them. I've seen too many stories end in divorce, too many relationships that have problems, too many marriages that should not be, and it's just pointless. Some of us were probably meant to be single and unmarried.

Maybe I'm just pessimistic about the whole love thing, but I just can't see it happening for me. I've met many men in my time being single and many men have tried to be with me, get closer to me, etc. But I'm just not interested in any of the pickings right now. True love doesn't exist at the moment, I can't say it ever will but I am highly pessimistic. Who knows what God has in store, maybe I won't be as negative about "true" love if something comes around...slash, if it actually exists.

Best I Can

I remember back in middle school when we used to be given those questions to answer - "Who is your idol?" All my peers and I would come up with some type of response with a celebrity, our parents, a teacher. But as I get older I'm starting to realize and question what an idol is. How can we idolize someone when really, we're all just imperfect people? Sure, there are different qualities in different people that we can idolize, respect, and admire. But can one person really do it all?

I'm feeling more and more every day that as parents, as actors, as entertainers, and as leaders - no one can really be that perfect idol. In this world, I feel like we all just try to do the best that we can with whatever is thrown at us. It's how we deal with those situations and manage them that define our personalities and make us the idols we can be. But really, we are all just trying our best and doing what we can living this human life. Being an idol seems like too much pressure... the only person who can really be an idol in all His perfection is God.

Time for me to get back on my Bible studies, Church visits, and gospel choir.... My life needs the Word and an idol I can hold til death. AMEN!!